Rejections R US

While I'm waiting for new rejection letters to add to my pile, I thought it might be fun to share some of my past rejections and my own personal translations, to help you understand the true meaning behind the words.

My translations are works of fiction. All characterizations, organizations, and events portrayed in this blog post are either products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously.

I'll start with my personal favorite. I like this one because it was particularly impersonal. The ink was faded nearly beyond recognition, so I have no doubt I recieved a copy of a copy of a copied copy.

Dear Author (the alternate spelling for Karla),

We have received your query/proposal/manuscript. After careful evaluation, we have decided that we are not the right agents to represent your work. We're sure another agent will feel quite differently about your material though.

Thank you for considering our agency. We wish you the best of luck finding represenetation.


Best,

Literary Agency

Now I'd like to offer my translation:

Dear Waster of My Time,

We received your query/proposal/manuscript. After careful evaluation, we have decided that it isn't interesting/literate/comprehendable, thus we are not the right agents to represent your trash/scourge/bane of my literary existence. We're sure another agent will feel exactly the same way about your work that we did, but go ahead and waste your postage, anyway.

Do not send your crap to our agency again. Good luck with that, you'll need it.

Dear Ms. Brady

Thank you for your submission to Literary Heaven. We apprciate you giving us the opportunity to review your project.

Unfortunately, we have to be extremely selective when it comes to taking on new clients and we don't think your manuscript is right for our list at this time. We want to wish you the best of luck in your writing.

Sincerely,

Ann Agent

Translation:

Dear Ms. Bullock,

Next!!!

Sincerely,

Ann Agent

More letters to come...